Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
