The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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