i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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