at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
