Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
