I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
