I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
