note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
