It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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