Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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