i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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