Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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