i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
