apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
