ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
