he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
