i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
