i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
