Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
