Just fell off a train. Bad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
