you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
