bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
