I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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