So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
