Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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