I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
