hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
