I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
