accomplished twins. life is a go
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
