Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
