Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
