I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
