the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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