Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
