dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk is a universal language darling
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
