your room smells of hookers.
And success
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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