Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
