Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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