I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
