She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
