I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
