Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
