Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
