My room smells like vodka and shame
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
