so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so let's talk penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
