HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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