oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
