you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
