and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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