"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
