dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
