and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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