She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
