If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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