wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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