Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
